So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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