good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
