So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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