I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
