The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
