my phone needs a breathalizer
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
