ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
