omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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