if you like me you must not know who I am
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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