You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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