I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
