hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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