I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
