u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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