I wanna bring you to show and tell
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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