I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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