Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
