He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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