Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
