My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
