wanna go halves on a baby?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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