nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
