Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize