Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
