i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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