So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
