they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
