Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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