Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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