God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
