he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
