Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
