Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
