shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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