If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
