her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
