I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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