dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
