Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
