i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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