I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sext me about skeletons
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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