Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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