soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
