There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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