can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
