i just had sex bonerless
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he high fived his dick after we had sex
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
