the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
