Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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