im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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