ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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