I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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