the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The ass gains better be worth it
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