my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think my fart just growled at me.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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