Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
