Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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