Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
