I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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