you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
