weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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