Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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