He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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