Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
