Define "chronic" masturbator.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
