Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
