R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
