I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
