Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
