I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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