I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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