So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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