I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
