apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The best revenge is premature balding
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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