New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I need to align my fucking chakras
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
