This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
