After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
