my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I need to stop coming to work sober
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize