Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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